4 weeks later...

We're just under one month till I hand in my final final exam, and you know what that means for this site.* I'd be lying if I didn't say it's actually a bittersweet time, but there'll be plenty of time to reminisce over the next month. After all, I have to procrastinate from studying somehow. In the meantime, there are some positive developments happening outside of law school worth mentioning:

Oprah has finally selected a book I can get - and have gotten - behind. Cormac McCarthy, one of my favourite writers, is also famously reclusive, so it'll be nice to see him appear on television and, let's pray, jump on the couch.

A new show, "The Tudors," is premiering on television this week. I don't know much about it save that it features Henry VIII and it's modelled after the very R-rated "Deadwood," a fave of mine. Only time will tell if "codpiece-sucker" will be revived as the go-to swear word, much like the word Al Swearengen of "Deadwood" made popular again.

Zombies! Up until the trailer for this panic-inducing, carpet-bombing zombie spectacular appeared, 28 Weeks Later simply referred to the point at which I have to get back in school mode and attend PLTC courses in the fall. Now I just don't know which is scarier.



*That should have read, "you know what that means for this site."

Prochaine: Jacques Bauer en Vingt-Quatre!

We've now moved on from the seismic deathtraps of Western North America to the lush vineyards and ancient castles of Europe. That's right: I've finished one essay and now am into my European Union law paper.

I've settled on a topic that is near and dear to my heart, TV. Specifically, I know it's always a big headache up here in Canada to have a certain quota of Canadian content on TV (made harder by the fact that original programming is so awful it needs to be replaced annually.) So I wanted to look into how the EU deals with protecting member states' cultural qualities, while respecting the free movement of goods and services, i.e. TV. Bien, n'est-ce pas?

I'm also hoping to answer several pressing questions: does 24 operate on the 24 hour clock over there? What region is the European equivalent of The OC? (My money's on Le Aix). And does the prevalence of civil law deny Sam Waterston the stardom he so richly deserves?

Since doing several of these papers I've become better at the research side of things, but the benefit of doing this for European Union law is that the Union's website, Europa, is amazing. It is, hands down, the best governmental website around, cataloguing every case, directive, piece of legistlation and all in countless languages to boot - and most importantly, all easily found.

Really the only site that matches its depth is Ryan Adams' repository of eight new albums available for streaming.

CBC'n is believin'

Anecdote of note: while on a factum lunch break today, at a nearby Cafe Crepe, (unofficially a reason why I live in the neighbourhood I do) who should I run into but CBC news anchor extraordinaire Gloria Macarenko.

Both she and Ian "the Man" Hanomansing were mainstays of my work-from-home summer TV viewing schedule, so I find it particularly cool to run into one of them on a break from work. The unfortunate part is that I didn't recognize her until she spoke to me, at which point my to-go order was ready. Thus, my limited contribution to the conversation went something like:

"You. Are from TV. I watch."

In any case, the short conversation I had with her ups the ante on previous run-ins with celebrities, beating:

• The passing nod I gave to CTV weather woman Tamara Taggart
• The confused recognition on seeing either Tegan or Sara outside a Future Shop
  
• The neck-craning to see Timothy Omundson on a downtown film set
  

And, one step closer to erasing the memory of seeing a desperately infirmed Nick Nolte in NYC.

Zack Morris, a man for all seasons

I love the fall in Vancouver. Sure, summer's great, but summer is nice everywhere - no, you really separate the weak from the chaff with autumn. Still green, still warm, still raising the ire of Eastern Canada. The great autumn equalizer, however, is TV premiere season. No matter where you are, thanks to impractical Canadian Content television standards and U.S. programming, you can enjoy some good TV.

So far this season I'm accountable for The Office, Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, The Amazing Race, and a random, weekly selection amongst the Law & Order offerings. My favorite premiere so far has been The Office, doing its best to carry the torch snuffed so early for Arrested Development.



And because Grey's was good, I'll forgive the glaring anachronism of playing a Gnarls Barkley song during a flashback scene from three years ago. Remarkably, this was on the same day I saw what can only be described as a "reverse-anachronism" in a 1993 episode of Saved By the Bell: The College Years:

Zack: Hey Kelly, do you have my Pearl Jam CD?

"Gaines" was originally "Anderson"

I'm gravely concerned about this new legal drama, Justice, coming this fall courtesy of FOX. Normally I'm a fan of all things legal on television - excepting, of course, all iterations of daytime judgery (save one). But then I caught a preview for FOX's Justice, describing the exploits of one criminal defence firm and the high-tech solutions they employ to exonerate clients and alternatively create FX demo reels. It's all very glitzy and, with CSI-creator Jerry Bruckheimer's name attached, there are sure to be explosions (some of which are on the figurative level - the show's law firm is called Turk, Nicholson, Tuller & Gaines, or TNT&G... How drole.)



I just don't understand this need in television to make the law... exciting. The law is relatively boring and that's just the way we like it, thank you very much. Lawyering is very much about reading fine print and visiting libraries; it's about presenting a solid case and serving a client. Fancy exhibits are just window dressing.

I was published a while back on precisely this subject - needlessly sensationalizing the law - and while CSI wasn't the focus of the piece, it sure deserves more grief. One reason I dislike that show is because it assumes its audience cannot concentrate on a spoken investigation for too long, and subsitutes computer-generated imagery to keep you from remembering that the much superior 24 is likely on elsewhere. Now it seems that Justice has transposed that same audience into a jury box, where twelve people won't be able to render a verdict unless it's been through the MTV editing booth.

Anyway, I'll stop there - because this show will likely become a hit. But for future reference, if you're trying to spice things up, at least put your attorneys in a cape.

No cool way to play that instrument

If the names Meredith, George, Burke and Yang mean anything to you, then you'll know why this is so funny.



This show has long since stolen the crown from The O.C. for being the best source of witty cynicism, but somehow this moment from last night's episode was just pure hilarity.

Anyway, since that was random, here's something else. Watch this video of Sims creator Will Wright play God with his new game, Spore. Sure, it's a half an hour long, but that's really just a fraction of the time you'll spend playing this game in the long run.

For sooth, what hath more levity?

Nothing like a good procrastination post.

The Amazing Race is back on, and with my participation in a pool, I'm now financially invested in the show as well. It's some sort of irony that I was randomly dealt the lawyer of the contestants, Ray, or as he says, "like the sun." (Not to be confused with Lake, or as he says - I kid you not - "like the ocean.") Ray went to law school to turn upside down stereotypes of "the hood." As an Albertan, oh how I relate.

I'm also glad Count Trumpula was back on the airwaves, if only that I now have a bit more perspective on the city. He makes it seem as if the traffic parts wherever he walks, when in reality, even his hair doesn't. I was actually a tad ashamed in New York atop the Empire State Building in that the Trump Tower was the first building I recognized. It was taller than I expected, looming there like some obsidian beacon of evil.

I also recently began reading The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman, a book that only a few pages in is surely in contention for being the funniest book I have read, up there with Catch-22. (Longtime devotees of this site - ye brave few - will remember that is a book I have never finished, but it is indeed the funniest.) Anyway, read the first couple pages of Tristram for yourself. It is also handy if you find 18th century wit amongst the heights of comedy.

Finally, for those people who have not yet discovered Ricky Gervais' whipping boy, Karl Pilkington (no doubt soon to be simply K.Pilk) watch thusly.

The tribe has deliberated

Alright, I know I often discuss the show 24 with a sometimes childlike giddiness, and well, this won’t help. Jack Bauer action figures! But where's the Tony Almeida model with removable soul patch?

The Law Firm is a show that will certainly never have action figures. I admit I continued watching this crass reality program because it’s not every day you see a TV show about precisely the same things you study in school. (I’m still waiting for the reality show where economists compete to find the optimum NAIRU curve and control inflation!)

Among the several frightening aspects of this show: you can expect a lot of post-production dubbing from Donald Trump on the Apprentice, because the man can never get his lines right on camera. But in The Law Firm, it’s particularly unsettling to note that all the post-sync is for lines where the boss is discussing the ethics and care needed when dealing with clients. It's as if the notion was an afterthought only the studio editor caught.

Elsewhere, isn't there some sort of conflict of interest with contestants vying for prize money? Can these lawyers really have their client's best interests in mind, or is the endless talk about "winning" a case just like a tribal ceremony to them? Note the show's tagline: Real People. Real Consequences. One Winner. You're the loser if you guessed that person was the client.

Oh, and what's with the attorney who looks exactly like Ryan Atwood from The O.C.?

Ah, but maybe I'm just wasting my breath on the show. Heck, when the site has its own handy legal glossary, maybe I'm wasting time in law school.

So back to music: in a truly rare and fascinating interview, Pitchfork gets Ryan Adams to dish on his next two albums coming out before 2007, the Patsy Cline-esque September, and the concept album 29 written when he was in the hospital nursing a broken wrist. (His site used to have an mp3 of the tune "Shadowlands" where you could hear the exact moment when he plummeted from stage and broke the wrist. Points if you find it.)

Like the Neverending Story, but good

First round of law registration is out of the way. I nabbed most of my important classes (International, Charter, Tax, Corporations, my International seminar) with no problem, except Evidence in the spring filled up rather fast. Anyone feel like slogging through the 8:30 a.m. Evidence classes with me all year?

With Harry Potter now "leaked," (thanks to keen Vancouverites) I suppose no plunder is too nerdy for a pirate. I suspect those that Entertainment Weekly describes as “rogue Canadians” more closely resemble soccer moms who, on their way to pick up some Capri Sun and Dunkaroos for the kids (do they still have those?), noticed the book and innocently picked it up. I’ve heard reports that the book is on BitTorrent sites, but how does that even work? Is it an mp3 of a child reading the book?

Chapter 1. Harry awoke to a de... deef... mom how do you say that word? Deh-fun-ing. What does it mean?
...
(Delete from playlist.)

My copy arrives on Saturday, banking on the notion that since postal workers are angry already, making them deliver heavy bundles on a weekend morning can’t do much more harm. This gives me only a few days to finish The Known World, a novel which deserves a place in the tiny pantheon of Books You Don’t Want to End. Like A Fine Balance or East of Eden, Jones’ book has such a compelling array of storylines that each could go on forever and I doubt I’d mind.

But enough of literature - sort of. Last night, I did miss the yell-fest that is Hell’s Kitchen, (summer guilty pleasure #1) but I was surprised to find that National Geographic aired the first part of Guns, Germs and Steel: the Documentary. I’m now convinced that Jared Diamond is one of the coolest scholars around. Aside from looking like a bald Dustin Hoffman and tanned like a motherfocker, the guy clearly looks like he’s having a ball spending most of his time in the jungle of New Guinea.

That said, if there’s one thing off about the series, it’s that it basically deifies Diamond for “solving” the question of how human societies evolved in the ways that they have. Narrator Peter Coyote lauds Diamond in, come to think of it, almost the exact same way he describes the functions of the Brita water filter, a commercial Coyote previously narrated: “A clear, refreshing take…”

In my opinion, Diamond was nothing but modest in how he used common sense to describe what he did: societies are the result of their environment, plain and simple. The man didn’t discover some ancient Rosetta-stone, he just observed that planting a seed is a tad more effective than getting all sweaty for a less-than-nutritious animal. One method allows you to feed a government and army, the other gives you cries of, “mammoth again?”

I’m not sure when the next episode of GGS is on, but in the meantime I’m going to view my nouvelle DVD, A Very Long Engagement. Any French-loving cinephile (and really, who doesn’t like the French) will appreciate the incredible recreation of WWI-era Paris.

And dude, c'mon, a soldier lobs a grenade into a plane from the ground. That’s so Die Hard.

"Come hither." "Baa."

Loose ends before I relax for the weekend:

Now I’m really sad to miss the Vancouver Beck show. Joining Beck on stage will be guys named D-Fuse, Bunzo and Ryan, the World’s Greatest Dancer (guilty!). To boot, there will be dining tables and full course meals “will be had.”

Still sadder, Rolling Stone dropped the ball with the much-delayed Eels review.

Does Entertainment Weekly read my site? George Michael for Prime Minister! He can’t be any more awkward than Stephen Harper.

Speaking of Arrested Development, I was always curious to see how much money the Bluth family had to waste on segways and the Aztec Tomb. Strangely missing from the list of TV's richest Dads: father/actor Tobias Funke. Although hilariously at the bottom: Tony "eh oh, oh eh!" Danza.

Read Guns, Germs and Steel. If Jared Diamond played Civilization, you’d swear he had the cheats on he’d be so good. Rather, he just offers compelling explanations as to why human societies distributed power the way they have today. A big reason (among others)? Someone, somewhere, romanced a sheep.

From the 24 file: a movie is being planned? I may finally have to break my streak of no movie bathroom breaks (going strong since Batman in 1989!). Also: Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay, Jack Bauer, same person?



Anyone watching their share of crap reality TV, compare Gordon’s trademark “Button it!” to Jack’s “Dammit!” It's the same!

Back to Batman: simply an incredible movie. Sure I want the new Batmobile, but I really want Scarecrow's glasses. Such chic villainy!

Another hilarious interview where Noel Gallagher discusses his brother Mabel, how Oasis go through drummers like they were Spinal Tap, and reading War & Peace on stage.

Now that Nike lets you customize your own shoe, how long until Adidas follows suit and let’s us recreate the Team Zissou shoe down to the finest detail?

Finally, UBCers: what law classes are you taking this fall? Dish!

Laughter: 1799 - 1998

The thrill of my previous fleeting internet fame having worn off, today, with the help of the Toronto Star, I was able to enjoy fleeting publicized fame on a national scale.

Following up on a post on Stereogum, culture reporter Dana Brown wrote a spot-on expose of the "Indie Yuppie," a class of citizen to whom High Fidelity serves as a quasi-religious reference point, and who have been enjoying a Killers backlash far longer than most. The article was a pretty spot-on glimpse of the macchiato-swilling, O.C.-watching, iPod-toting music geek, aptly and shamelessly represented by yours truly. To read the full thing, go here (though you may have to register with them for free.)



My love of The O.C. was mentioned (nay, trumpeted) - it's just a shame that 24 doesn't regularly flaunt its indie music affection. Though, I have been watching season 1 of 24 on DVD and - keen I-Y that I am - I did espy an early and rare song by Doves, "Darker," available on their collection of b-sides, Lost Sides. (It's featured in the episode where Kim is rescued by the heroin addict with a heart of gold). Jack Bauer, you closet yupster!

Overall I was proud to be featured in the Star, a daily staple of mine during my undergrad years in Kingston. That is to say, between Romantic Lit class and Macroeconomics, I hit the crossword section pretty hard. The paper is also home to a pretty damn good comics section, featuring the likes of Sherman's Lagoon and the irresistable Get Fuzzy. (The National Post, on the other hand, has two daily obituaries, one for lives lived and the other for comedy. Seriously, who finds Betty funny?)

The butler was a ghost the entire time

I'm off to Vancouver for the weekend, so I thought I'd tie up some loose blogs.

Figured I might as well go for the trifecta of 24 posts: a shiny penny to whoever can tell me what this commercial is about.

Love this new White Stripes album cover. Sure, it's not much different than the last one, but now Jack's traded sequins for Bob Dylan's facial hair and Meg White looks even more like my former roommate. (Deny all you want C___, it's there.) Get Behind Me Satan is released on the same day as this juggernaut, which contains a decidedly crappier album cover.

With my recent purchase of Johnathan Safran-Foer's Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (the hype is real, five pages in and you know you're listening to a classic narrator) I now have three books on the go. This is definitely unwise, but the books naturally found their own demarcation: Safran-Foer in the mornings while I wait for my carpool, Malcolm Gladwell's Tipping Point over lunch (a book I can gladly say I did not judge by its cover but rather by the album it inspired) and the last few chapters of Strange & Norrell at night.

Oh, anyone know anything about Eco's latest book? Umberto's Island of the Day Before ranks as one of my favorite books, so I'm always interested to see what the Italian writer is up to. That book had everything: shipwrecks, incurable diseases, imaginary brothers, unrequited love and perhaps one of the most satisfying endings to a novel I've ever read.

I recall once reading an interview with R.E.M.'s Peter Buck where he said he always has about four books on the go at any time. I suppose the notion becomes more palatable when you consider we regularly keep the storylines of several television shows sorted out. (Although maybe that's unfair. A novelization of The Apprentice wouldn't likely stir a great literary debate: "Trump's 'firing' obviously signals a shifting paradigm, a frightening resurgence of the oppression of the proletariat and the glorification of the bourgeousie." Nah.)

Of course, it's readily apparent what the most ill-conceived novel of all time is: voila.

Post O.C. Script: That murderous rampage to cap off a season? That's so first year criminal law. Defence of necessity anyone? But kudos for the Ryan Adams inclusion, and perhaps the only song subtly and eponymously lamenting the death of TV's Friends. (Adams is a self-proclaimed die-hard fan.)

He has a billable (or kill-able!) hours quota

I've been following the recent news releases from television networks which discuss all the new shows premiering this fall. I was looking, rather fearfully, to see if any are similar to the one I've been working on. Thankfully, none are, but less thankfully - or rather, unfortunately - the new shows are crap.

There are no less than two shows about alien life appearing in the Atlantic ocean and humanity's response to it. My response? Click. Another drama - or is it unintentional comedy? - has Jennifer Love Hewitt talking to ghosts. (Pilot episode: a seance with a dead career, perhaps?) And then there are countless new crime scene shows, no doubt exploring new ways to zoom into any number of uninteresting objects. I have a feeling that when networks come up with a crappy idea, they send a memo to other networks in the hope that, when it inevitably gets cloned, the original looks less crappy by comparison.

Of course, from all this comes unbelievably good news, that the best/funniest/most original television show around, Arrested Development, is coming back next season. The show is great for constantly breaking the rules of a half-hour sitcom (such as having everything return to normal after 22 minutes) and doesn't need to tell viewers when to laugh. If my show, by some twist of fate, ever got somewhere, it would owe a huge deal to this show.

Oh, and Jack Bauer officially replaces John McClane as the most imperiled American: after four seasons of finger-breaking and co-worker killing, Kiefer Sutherland of 24 is back for two more. That'll make six days in total: will he go for the full week, or does Jack witness the Sabbath?

(And yes, I'm aware, this is two 24-related headlines back to back. The show is that good people.)

Any chance Napoleon won that battle?

No sooner do I discover and rave about the band Louis XIV then I find myself in possession of a ticket to a show they're playing. Even better, they're on a bill with two other equally amazing bands, The Futureheads and B.C.'s own Hot Hot Heat. I've managed to unearth Louis XIV's earlier albums and EPs too, and I'm certain they'll put on a good show. Any downloaders out there, check out "Illegal Tender." Tell me if I'm wrong, but there's something positively Gilbert and Sullivan about that song, notwithstanding its ass-kickery. If the band's original name was supposed to be the Pirates of Penzance, it wouldn't surprise me.

As for the British laddies, those who watch the O.C. with the same frequency as I do will recall hearing the Futureheads shamelessly blared over the opening scenes of last week's episode - "Meantime" was the tune. And those who didn't hear Hot Hot Heat's first album might currently be inclined to say they sound like the Killers, when if fact it's the other way around. All in all, it should be great. Or, to quote a friend of mine, it'll be Hot Hot Neat! (Ouais, c'est vrai AM, et si tu veux le réfuter, tu devrais commencer un blog de ton propre!)

Yet tomorrow night, is of course, the Joel Plaskett show. I'm aiming to get a few choice photographs of the Lankster himself. I'll also get some shots of opener Pete Elkas, a musician who I played roadie to for all of 2 minutes a year ago. At Joel's Kingston show, Elkas was also the opener and he asked me to hold his guitar while he put away some equipment. As any roadie would do, I acted like I could care less.

To cap off this amazing trifecta of aural pleasure, it's just over a month till I see U2 and Kings of Leon in town. It's my last night in Vancouver before I head home for the summer. It'll be tough to leave this city even for four months, but it should be a great send off. Here's hoping that they play "Stay."

Elsewhere, it's a four day weekend here, and most people have vacated the premises, heading back home. This leaves me alone with only the Canadian Justices themselves. Really, who can be lonely when you've got loudmouth Denning over there in the corner!

As for studying, two subjects are particularly frightening. Contracts has gotten quite difficult of late, and Property... Property shall be my Waterloo. I think to ease myself into this study-fest occupying the next several weeks, I'll start with the others, Torts, Legal Institutions and Criminal Law. Though, I suppose if I really wanted to study Criminal Law I could just fire up the ol' PS2, pop in some Grand Theft Auto and truly get into the mind of a criminal. That's all kinds of illegal!