Showing posts with label Bauer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bauer. Show all posts

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I wish the law school had a watercooler

One of the great things about living in a city that fancies itself the Los Angeles of Canada is that you get good films sooner than everybody else. Pan's Labyrinth came out this weekend and naturally it got in the way of law school reading. I really, really liked this film - it's Life is Beautiful meets Hellboy... in a very dark alley.

I get an added kick from watching Spanish foreign films. I try every once in a while to ignore the subtitles and see if I can follow along. And if there's one foreign film where you want to to focus as much attention in the centre of the screen as possible, it's one where creatures look as cool as this.

And of course, when I returned to finish up Monday's reading, 24 has to air its season premiere. As far as premieres go in this series, it was decent - no major character deaths, but added points for Jack Bauer's newfound vampirism. I suppose maybe the mitigating factor was the appearance of actor Carlo Rota - not the only television show he's in this week.

Last week the CBC had a hit with its new show Little Mosque on the Prairie, which I'm surprised to report was actually pretty funny - and not just by Canadian standards. Rota's in that show too, but methinks after watching both shows that only one is likely to be embraced by the Muslim community. Hint: it's not the one where every Muslim character on the show was either bombed or tortured.

That said, I'll still watch 24, because it makes for interesting watercooler talk after Charter Law classes.

And now, your moment of zen.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

You shall not pass dammit!

I remember that it took about one month in Evidence class before the subject of My Cousin Vinny was academically discussed. So I'm a little surprised it took nearly two months of Securities Regulation before Martha Stewart's name came up. I wonder if these celebrities really understand that though their indiscretion's gleam may eventually fade in the tabloids, it shines ever brightly for law student reading. Just imagine how Family law will forever be shaped.

Sadly, no such stargazing is to be found in European Union law, the subject for which I still have to come up with a paper topic. Any ideas?

It probably doesn't help that I've been spending my time watching this new promo for 24 and pondering the question: Jack Bauer, Gandalf, same person?

Seriously, I need help with this EU paper.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

A straight consonant student

And now back to regularly scheduled programming.

Back in January
, I likened the return of my grades to various moments in 24. The show was a handy reference point, because its tense and often painful situations mimicked quite nicely how several of my exams turned out. Now that spring marks have been released, it's only apt to describe my reaction to them using good ol' Kiefer again.

A disappointing Evidence mark aside, the rest of my exams went as well as I could have hoped. When you get to law school, you're basically told that E isn't the only vowel you won't get as a grade. So it was shocking to see that I rounded up several A's in one term. To to draw a comparison, if exams were a Christmas tree, and doing well was represented by a drunken Kiefer Sutherland tackling said Christmas tree, well, then I feel like this. (Video is TAFW, meaning "totally awesome for work.")

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Absolutely not about Jack Bauer

Next Monday this blog will play host to an edition of the Blawg Review, a weekly - and fairly presitigious - collection of articles and posts by writers/bloggers discussing recent news and developments in the legal world. So, if you stumbled upon my law blog looking for this kind of legal perspective, well then you'll be pleasantly surprised, as I promise there'll be some interesting stuff.

But if you are a regular here and expect a post about Jack Bauer - say, a nailbiting scene from 24 set to the Golden Girls theme - well then I shan't disappoint you.

Check back on Monday.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

You don't divide Jack Bauer's power

With classes for the year officially over, this blog post comes on the eve of study season: those days before your first exam when any moment not spent studying feels like committing a crime. Ironically, studying law would tell you how to evade or, alternatively, successfully defend yourself against such a crime.

Anyway, since I'm reading Federalism, here's a great read for the rest of you. Kiefer Sutherland talks to Rolling Stone about living in a barn, fighting a Christmas tree, crying during Love Actually, and in my favorite part of the article, sticking it to 24 fans:

He once heard that some college-going 24 fans had developed a drinking game in which you have to down one shot for every time Jack Bauer says, "Damn it," which is the show's "f---" and "s---" substitute. So during one episode, in one scene, he took it upon himself to say "Damn it" three times in a row, "Boom, boom, boom. And that was just one scene. By the end, there had to be fourteen 'Damn its.' And I could just see all these college kids going, 'Oh, f---!' "

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Shift + F7 Dammit!

Here's a short list of some of the words that came to mind while watching last night's episode of 24, certainly the most expensive episode yet, and involving Jack torturing not one but two people (including his girlfriend) and outrunning a series of fiery explosions at a natural gas plant:

  • magnanimous
  • impugned
  • Hobbes-ian
  • feudalistic
  • constitutionality
  • fireball

Back to this essay.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Countdown to Donald Trump facts...

Just the thing to get you warmed up for a two hour special of 24 tonight. A ripoff sure, yet perhaps more timely than the original Chuck Norris facts:

Jack Bauer facts.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Avoid all of April

If I hadn't read Shakespeare and someone told me to "beware the Ides of March," I would assume they were referring to that period during law school about a month before exams where you know you have to start studying because, if you keep putting it off, you know that doomsayer has an even worse catchphrase for April.

Being this the end of February, I'm trying to get a headstart on all this madness, but still leave room for the odd diversion. Here are some things I have to look forward to in the next week:

Two essay outlines: for an international law ethics class, I'm doing a sort of "would you rather?" approach to torture, whereby I compare two sides of a moral dilemma to argue which is the lesser of two evils. Then for Charter I'm preparing a think-piece, if you will, on Canadian search and seizure laws. Yup, torture and illegal search and seizure - I sure know how to pick the fun ones.

For a refresher on international ethics, I'll be tuning into next week's episode of the White House's favourite show, 24. This new President Logan is, if possible, even more fun than Jack "Dammit" Bauer. This guy couldn't sound more unsure of himself if he tried. When the terrorists called him directly in last week's episode, he acted like a little girl at a slumber party who didn't want to talk to a cute guy calling: "No, YOU talk to him!"

Then, there's more reading to do. I try and stay on top of the readings for each class, but for Evidence, this basically includes reading every case since... I don't know... the dawn of time. I suppose it's worth it when you read a case like Rothman v. R., where, in order to elicit a confession on drug charges, the cops send in an undercover agent to share a jail cell with the accused. The accused's first words? "You look like a narc."

I also figure I haven't seen a movie in theatres in a while. When I came across the trailer for Tristram Shandry, a period-piece Adaptation, I knew I wanted to see it. Plus, it has Steve Coogan who you know (or should know) as Alan Partridge.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Revue Legale

Had opening night of the Law Revue last night - the annual law school comedy show - and things went surprisingly well. I say surprisingly, because after months of writing and rewriting scripts, and three straight, long days of directing rehearsal, you naturally start to doubt if people will find anything funny.

Tonight is the second and final performance, and should boast an even bigger crowd that last night. I'll post more photos after it's over.

In the meantime, I'll just post this hilarious link which made up for me missing 24 last night.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Flank 2 is the new Wink

I've been having fun (well, procrastinating for a Charter essay) imagining new applications for what may likely become a new idiomatic expression. I speak of course about "Flank 2." For anyone who didn't watch Monday night's Bauer bonanza, Flank 2 is apparently the signal that agents-in-the-know use to indicate that they are communicating under duress. For Jack, it meant communicating that terrorists were expecting an attack, so ambush them elsewhere. But its usage needn't be confined to only error-prone anti-terrorism groups.

For instance, consider: "As much as I'd like those hockey tickets, I don't want to pass up these great ballet tickets I currently have. I'm seated in section Flank 2."

Or as one friend suggested to me, "Come on over, we're just about to watch The Notebook on my Flank 2 television."

Got more? Submit 'em below. Man, I really don't want to start this essay.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Is there a Pepsi tent at the Geneva Convention?

The trifecta of law exams are over, three straight days of madness concluded, ready to begin the holidays. Rather than dwell on how they went, I thought I could accurately represent my feelings about each of them through the various levels of preparedess and control exuded by Jack Bauer. Thus, for Corporations, Secured Transactions, and Advanced Criminal Procedure respectively:

Calm, cool, prepared in the face of peril.

Less assured. Chances of success depend on split-second thinking.


(I'm aware of the irony of showing how well I believe I did on a criminal procedure exam with a picture of something entirely internationally unlawful. But it's topical, right?)

Merry Christmas folks. Just think, this is the halfway point to the start of second third of our lives!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Bauer battles Bice, burns

Hmm, slow news week. A phrase synonymous with busy law term. But it's not all bad news.

I applied for a law job. (No, not this one.)

In exactly one month I'll be done exams and breaking out the 'nog. That's the yuletide drink, and not my debut rap act that I'm sure W___ will explain with verve with in the comments section when he gets around to reading this post.

And finally, new daylight savings rules have allowed for one more Jack Bauer Power Hour! First impressions suggest that a retrofied Jack fights an evil Bo Bice and become impervious to flames. How's that for a slow news week headline?

Friday, July 29, 2005

The tribe has deliberated

Alright, I know I often discuss the show 24 with a sometimes childlike giddiness, and well, this won’t help. Jack Bauer action figures! But where's the Tony Almeida model with removable soul patch?

The Law Firm is a show that will certainly never have action figures. I admit I continued watching this crass reality program because it’s not every day you see a TV show about precisely the same things you study in school. (I’m still waiting for the reality show where economists compete to find the optimum NAIRU curve and control inflation!)

Among the several frightening aspects of this show: you can expect a lot of post-production dubbing from Donald Trump on the Apprentice, because the man can never get his lines right on camera. But in The Law Firm, it’s particularly unsettling to note that all the post-sync is for lines where the boss is discussing the ethics and care needed when dealing with clients. It's as if the notion was an afterthought only the studio editor caught.

Elsewhere, isn't there some sort of conflict of interest with contestants vying for prize money? Can these lawyers really have their client's best interests in mind, or is the endless talk about "winning" a case just like a tribal ceremony to them? Note the show's tagline: Real People. Real Consequences. One Winner. You're the loser if you guessed that person was the client.

Oh, and what's with the attorney who looks exactly like Ryan Atwood from The O.C.?

Ah, but maybe I'm just wasting my breath on the show. Heck, when the site has its own handy legal glossary, maybe I'm wasting time in law school.

So back to music: in a truly rare and fascinating interview, Pitchfork gets Ryan Adams to dish on his next two albums coming out before 2007, the Patsy Cline-esque September, and the concept album 29 written when he was in the hospital nursing a broken wrist. (His site used to have an mp3 of the tune "Shadowlands" where you could hear the exact moment when he plummeted from stage and broke the wrist. Points if you find it.)

Friday, June 17, 2005

"Come hither." "Baa."

Loose ends before I relax for the weekend:

Now I’m really sad to miss the Vancouver Beck show. Joining Beck on stage will be guys named D-Fuse, Bunzo and Ryan, the World’s Greatest Dancer (guilty!). To boot, there will be dining tables and full course meals “will be had.”

Still sadder, Rolling Stone dropped the ball with the much-delayed Eels review.

Does Entertainment Weekly read my site? George Michael for Prime Minister! He can’t be any more awkward than Stephen Harper.

Speaking of Arrested Development, I was always curious to see how much money the Bluth family had to waste on segways and the Aztec Tomb. Strangely missing from the list of TV's richest Dads: father/actor Tobias Funke. Although hilariously at the bottom: Tony "eh oh, oh eh!" Danza.

Read Guns, Germs and Steel. If Jared Diamond played Civilization, you’d swear he had the cheats on he’d be so good. Rather, he just offers compelling explanations as to why human societies distributed power the way they have today. A big reason (among others)? Someone, somewhere, romanced a sheep.

From the 24 file: a movie is being planned? I may finally have to break my streak of no movie bathroom breaks (going strong since Batman in 1989!). Also: Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay, Jack Bauer, same person?

Anyone watching their share of crap reality TV, compare Gordon’s trademark “Button it!” to Jack’s “Dammit!” It's the same!

Back to Batman: simply an incredible movie. Sure I want the new Batmobile, but I really want Scarecrow's glasses. Such chic villainy!

Another hilarious interview where Noel Gallagher discusses his brother Mabel, how Oasis go through drummers like they were Spinal Tap, and reading War & Peace on stage.

Now that Nike lets you customize your own shoe, how long until Adidas follows suit and let’s us recreate the Team Zissou shoe down to the finest detail?

Finally, UBCers: what law classes are you taking this fall? Dish!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Laughter: 1799 - 1998

The thrill of my previous fleeting internet fame having worn off, today, with the help of the Toronto Star, I was able to enjoy fleeting publicized fame on a national scale.

Following up on a post on Stereogum, culture reporter Dana Brown wrote a spot-on expose of the "Indie Yuppie," a class of citizen to whom High Fidelity serves as a quasi-religious reference point, and who have been enjoying a Killers backlash far longer than most. The article was a pretty spot-on glimpse of the macchiato-swilling, O.C.-watching, iPod-toting music geek, aptly and shamelessly represented by yours truly. To read the full thing, go here (though you may have to register with them for free.)

My love of The O.C. was mentioned (nay, trumpeted) - it's just a shame that 24 doesn't regularly flaunt its indie music affection. Though, I have been watching season 1 of 24 on DVD and - keen I-Y that I am - I did espy an early and rare song by Doves, "Darker," available on their collection of b-sides, Lost Sides. (It's featured in the episode where Kim is rescued by the heroin addict with a heart of gold). Jack Bauer, you closet yupster!

Overall I was proud to be featured in the Star, a daily staple of mine during my undergrad years in Kingston. That is to say, between Romantic Lit class and Macroeconomics, I hit the crossword section pretty hard. The paper is also home to a pretty damn good comics section, featuring the likes of Sherman's Lagoon and the irresistable Get Fuzzy. (The National Post, on the other hand, has two daily obituaries, one for lives lived and the other for comedy. Seriously, who finds Betty funny?)

Friday, May 27, 2005

And they leave the door open for a sequel

I have no regrets about enrolling at a law school on the West coast. From what visiting lawyers came and told us at school, the environment out East is a lot more stressful, somehow more competitive and quite pernicious. One Vancouver lawyer even told us that he could tell where a lawyer was from just from a few words on the telephone. Obviously he could divine a stress level from the timbre of a voice - either that or he heard foghorns in the background and took a wild guess.

Anyway, it wasn't until I found out this news that I felt a tinge of regret. The Rolling Stones and Beck. "Torn and Frayed" and "Nicotine and Gravy" in one concert. It's like someone kidnapped Santa, pumped him for information about what I wanted, and then ransomed it out in Ontario. I'd at least hope Santa puts up more of a fight than Jack Bauer's assault team member did during his torture in the season finale of 24:

"Give us a na-"
"Jack Bauer!"

More lighthearted musical news: Louis XIV seem more like Spinal Tap each time I turn and look. Recall this classic conversation from the film:

Derek: You know, we've grown musically. I mean, listen to some of the rubbish we did early on, it was stupid...
Marty: Yeah.
Derek: Now, I mean a song like "Sex Farm," we're taking a sophisticated view of the idea of sex, you know...
Marty: ...and putting it on a farm?
Derek: Yeah.

Now read how Jason Hill, frontman for Louis, explains that songs like "Paper Doll" from an album with this cover, are actually love letters in adoration of women. Ten bucks says this band has a tough time at airport security screeners. That said, I still love their music.

From the same site, a good interview with Eels frontman on how to achieve "twinkliness" on an album. (Still no Rolling Stone review for the album - an injustice. And I mean that in the full legal sense. Punishable by up to life in prison. Which puts Pitchfork at about ten dozen concurrent life sentences.)

Finally finished the mammoth tome that is Johnathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Any book that goes on for 800 pages runs a risk of failing to deliver an ending that is sufficiently satisfying. Clarke thankfully escapes that fate. How does it end? Naturally, Strange catches Norrell at the airport at the last minute before his plane departs, declares his love, and they kiss as the screen fades to black.

So, after Safran-Foer, Gladwell, Diamond and Doyle, I'm aiming for Elmore Leonard's new book. Damn, he stole the title for my autobiography.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

The butler was a ghost the entire time

I'm off to Vancouver for the weekend, so I thought I'd tie up some loose blogs.

Figured I might as well go for the trifecta of 24 posts: a shiny penny to whoever can tell me what this commercial is about.

Love this new White Stripes album cover. Sure, it's not much different than the last one, but now Jack's traded sequins for Bob Dylan's facial hair and Meg White looks even more like my former roommate. (Deny all you want C___, it's there.) Get Behind Me Satan is released on the same day as this juggernaut, which contains a decidedly crappier album cover.

With my recent purchase of Johnathan Safran-Foer's Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (the hype is real, five pages in and you know you're listening to a classic narrator) I now have three books on the go. This is definitely unwise, but the books naturally found their own demarcation: Safran-Foer in the mornings while I wait for my carpool, Malcolm Gladwell's Tipping Point over lunch (a book I can gladly say I did not judge by its cover but rather by the album it inspired) and the last few chapters of Strange & Norrell at night.

Oh, anyone know anything about Eco's latest book? Umberto's Island of the Day Before ranks as one of my favorite books, so I'm always interested to see what the Italian writer is up to. That book had everything: shipwrecks, incurable diseases, imaginary brothers, unrequited love and perhaps one of the most satisfying endings to a novel I've ever read.

I recall once reading an interview with R.E.M.'s Peter Buck where he said he always has about four books on the go at any time. I suppose the notion becomes more palatable when you consider we regularly keep the storylines of several television shows sorted out. (Although maybe that's unfair. A novelization of The Apprentice wouldn't likely stir a great literary debate: "Trump's 'firing' obviously signals a shifting paradigm, a frightening resurgence of the oppression of the proletariat and the glorification of the bourgeousie." Nah.)

Of course, it's readily apparent what the most ill-conceived novel of all time is: voila.

Post O.C. Script: That murderous rampage to cap off a season? That's so first year criminal law. Defence of necessity anyone? But kudos for the Ryan Adams inclusion, and perhaps the only song subtly and eponymously lamenting the death of TV's Friends. (Adams is a self-proclaimed die-hard fan.)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

He has a billable (or kill-able!) hours quota

I've been following the recent news releases from television networks which discuss all the new shows premiering this fall. I was looking, rather fearfully, to see if any are similar to the one I've been working on. Thankfully, none are, but less thankfully - or rather, unfortunately - the new shows are crap.

There are no less than two shows about alien life appearing in the Atlantic ocean and humanity's response to it. My response? Click. Another drama - or is it unintentional comedy? - has Jennifer Love Hewitt talking to ghosts. (Pilot episode: a seance with a dead career, perhaps?) And then there are countless new crime scene shows, no doubt exploring new ways to zoom into any number of uninteresting objects. I have a feeling that when networks come up with a crappy idea, they send a memo to other networks in the hope that, when it inevitably gets cloned, the original looks less crappy by comparison.

Of course, from all this comes unbelievably good news, that the best/funniest/most original television show around, Arrested Development, is coming back next season. The show is great for constantly breaking the rules of a half-hour sitcom (such as having everything return to normal after 22 minutes) and doesn't need to tell viewers when to laugh. If my show, by some twist of fate, ever got somewhere, it would owe a huge deal to this show.

Oh, and Jack Bauer officially replaces John McClane as the most imperiled American: after four seasons of finger-breaking and co-worker killing, Kiefer Sutherland of 24 is back for two more. That'll make six days in total: will he go for the full week, or does Jack witness the Sabbath?

(And yes, I'm aware, this is two 24-related headlines back to back. The show is that good people.)

Monday, May 16, 2005

No one would dare fire Jack!

I wish I could attribute the relative infrequency of my summer blog posts to an explosion of creativity on the screenwriting front, or at the very least some harrowing tale of my capture by exotic rebels of some variety and subsequent escape, but those who know me also know that I would hardly let rebels of any variety capture me. So yeah, no good excuses there.

Instead, my after-hours time has been split between reacquainting myself with my electric guitar, (see Ruby, I wasn't gone long), attending to the PS2, which was gathering dust during the study madness, and lastly, I've been at the mercy of some of the most drawn-out reality TV finales.

Seriously, the best real-estate deal that Donald Trump ever sealed was taking away my Thursday nights. That's some prime property. And just when you think it's over, the producers manage to eke out yet another hour. At least we can say with certainty which person did get fired: the damn editor!

What I will tolerate, however, are these final hours of the Jack Bauer Power Hour. I'll happily watch anything which delivers golden lines like these:

"It's funny, earlier today Jack and Audrey were planning their future, now Jack is responsible for her husband's death and he may have to torture her brother."

I guess when you're on the clock there's no sugar-coating things. Interesting sidenote: the brother in question is played by our very own Tre, of O.C. fame. Is it me or does that guy just love getting manhandled by police? And for those who've just seen tonight's episode, I don't use the term manhandled lightly...

Hmm, so I've been a bit lack on the musical front. Alright, some quick picks: this new Weezer album is mighty fine, Pitchfork massacre notwithstanding. Check out "This is Such a Pity" for Weezer's take on the whole 80's revival scene (if I had known my first decade was this cool I would have stayed around longer) and "Freak Me Out" for just plain coolness.

Oh yeah, as for law marks, not so bad. Looks like I can continue this whole "lawblog" motif for at least another year. "Unemployedblog" never had the same ring to it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

"Say hello to my knitted friend!"

Ryan: law student, blogger, official member of Team Zissou. Only one of those qualifications provides an awesome red toque, (I’m giving you a hint here, UBC Law…) That’s right, in their continuing efforts to atone for the Bright Eyes debacle, a certain Forward-thinking Shop offered Team Zissou toques to anyone who bought my favorite film of last year, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

What’s funnier (or nerdier, depending on how well you know me), is that I’ve now become an accidental movie-toque collector. I once attended a premiere of some throwaway De Niro movie, 15 Minutes, and won a toque emblazoned with the movie title. I wonder how far this collection can go. Any chance Tony Montana wore a toque?

On to a show which should have commemorative toques, last night’s episode of the Jack Bauer Power Hour was a doozy. Marwan captured (due to the onset of daylight, no doubt), and a nuclear missile launches as the hour counts down. Best was the appearance of actor Tzi Ma, playing the head of security for the Chinese consulate. Ma was last seen delivering his only – but maybe the best – line in the hilarious film, The Ladykillers: “must float like leaf down river of life… and kill old lady.” (Just watch the movie.)

Ma’s arrival was great because he seems to be the only character on the show asking pertinent and valuable questions. He was able to see through the covert operation cover-up pretty fast, I just wish he didn’t stop there:

“And while I’m at it, how come you, you, and you don’t actually work here but seem to be running the entire operation? And Michelle, can’t you see that Tony still loves you? I can cut the sexual tension in here with a knife! And do any of you take a bathroom break around here?”

(Although, considering 24’s track record, the writers just usually kill off main characters before they have to use the bathroom - less messy that way.) Last night’s episode also added to the list of locations that are all within 5 minutes of CTU headquarters: now including several warehouses, downtown skyscrapers, residential communities and the desert. Obviously Los Angeles freeways have both a “carpool” and a “Jack Bauer” lane.