Would a farmer outrun a T-Rex?

Happy Halloween y'all. This year I'm dressing up as a stressed-out law student, which really only frightens myself. But since that's no fun and I seem to don that costume a lot, I thought I'd take a trip down that haunted memory lane and examine some costumes from Hallows Eve past, in a fairly chronological order:

• Pirate, v.1 with eye patch.
• Fido Dido, remember him?
  

• Sam Neil's "Alan Grant" character from Jurassic Park, disappointingly misunderstood to be a farmer.
• Pirate, v.2 with eye patch and hook.
• Phantom of the Opera, who, after battling the itchiest mask ever, majestically revealed himself to be free of any facial deformity.
• Pirate, v.2.1, that eyepatch just makes candy hunting harder.
• Vampire, suspiciously close in style to the Phantom costume, minus the mask.
• Sailor, but not the slutty kind, the down-on-his-luck trying-to-make-a-living-fishing-cod kind.
• Erudite Ghostbuster Egon Spengler with, if I may say so, the best damn proton pack you can make from a backpack and household vaccuum cleaner.
• Jack White of the White Stripes, including a roommate who, yes C, looks exactly like Meg.
• Sexy cat burglar. Sure, the slutty kind.
  

I told you I had a thing for pirates. What was your best, or most grossly misunderstood costume growing up?

Icarus Shmicarus

The term is ramping up considerably. I know this because of the confluence of several factors, like beginning the research for a large International Law paper, reaching the "difficult" parts of Tax and Secured Transactions law, and of course, getting sick.

I'm still not sure if the amount of reading from first year to second year has increased, I just know it's not going away. Nor would you ever describe the material as page-turning stuff. For every bright spot of reading like this comic gem:

The wooden horse of Troy came into the new home of Mr. and Mrs. Manning in the guise of a gas furnace.

You get reams of cryptic material like this:

Charting a middle course between the Scylla of unaccommodating contractarianism and the Charybdis of quixotic communitarianism is the implicity contractual analysis.

On the plus side of things, Law Revue is beginning to take shape, and I'm confident that this year's show will certainly be the best. Of course, it's always hard to judge when you pump your audience full of beer.

Alright, I better hit the books lest I fly too close to the sun on these wings of screw it.

This is a zero credit course

It's not always easy to muster up the strength to take the bus to campus once a day (or three times, if you managed to forget your tax paper to hand in and had to go back) and sit through a lecture on the law. That's why I consider it pretty handy that the internet offers succint lessons on precisely the subjects I've been learning about.

To wit:

Criminal homicide and reliable witness evidence.

Intentional infliction of nervous shock.

Insurance policy coverage.

Pssst... Ka-ching!

I have a good feeling about my chances in tomorrow's big lottery draw. Yes, I know we all say this, but consider these subtle, but highly irregular, items of serendipity that may come to bear:

Sign #1: It was just today that I introduced the "How much is my blog worth?" feature to my blog, incidentally worth $1,693.92. Tomorrow, I gather that number may change - significantly.

Sign #2: The cashier who sold me the ticket winked at me. And this wasn't the usual, "My, what a dashing fall coat you have," sort of wink that I've grown accustomed to. No, this was something more.

Sign #3: I like the movie Signs. No easy feat, mind you, as a lot of nitpickers took issue with the whole water-as-weapon scenario played out in the movie's final minutes. Well, throw water on me folks, I might just win the lottery.

Update: I have a really good feeling about my chances.

Update #2: I may have to re-evaluate that wink.

There in 30 minutes or you're dead

If you've played video/computer games, you inevitably reach the point when you become bored with the storyline (or say, have an inordinate amount of time on your hands due to an entirely fruitless job search) and naturally try to test the limits of the game.

Programmers can't possibly test all angles of a game, and thus rendered worlds contain endless possibilities for illogical displays of physics or horrifying examples of human capacity. I only bring this up because I was forwarded this hilarious video.

Then I recalled growing up being amused at several of my own discoveries, like:

Finding out that the state trooper in Sega's Road Rash can indeed be knocked off of his motorcycle and no, he does not get up.

Finding out that California's La Jolla Golf & Country Club has a playable parking lot, good news for those with an (intentionally) wicked slice.



Finding out that programming identical keyboard controls for a two player computer game of Contra makes for a doubly powerful single player game.

Finding out that Liberty City has a particular intersection whereby you can fall through the nexus of the universe, only to land at the exact same point many seconds later.

Finding out that the 1993 San Jose Sharks are team most suited to allowing you to score goals once every four seconds if you aim at the short side of the net on a deke.

Finding out that a ranking military officer, created to be invincible in order to give you instructions throughout a level, can only withstand thirty gunshots and direct grenade hits before he dies and dissolves into thin air.

Finding out that without a fridge and any mode of exit from a house, a Sim's last, desperate call to a pizza delivery service will be tragically ironic.

Yup, an entirely fruitless job search.

Cogito ergo summat

I'll attribute the lack of posting for a week not to the stress associated with the seasonal job hunt, but rather to the poor performance of my team in last week's Amazing Race. Apparently looking like Dennis Hopper doesn't get you as far as I was wont to believe. Which is bad news for my progress in the office pool and, I suppose, for Dennis Hopper. So long 100 bucks, I would have spent ye well.

But there's always a bright, if less lucrative, side. Anyone watch the debut of The Colbert Report? I've always been a huge fan of Stephen's "reporting", although I was a tad apprehensive as to how he would fill an entire half hour. But watching him face off against Stone Phillips to see who could read the most inane headlines with a straight face won me over.

My favorite: "We invited Mother Theresa to respond to these charges."

Update: watch it.

And you can always get excited with the discovery of 22 new, unearthed Elliott Smith songs (probably no coincidence that they appear two years to the week that he died.) Most of the songs are unfinished acoustic sessions, which hearkens back to Smith's Either/Or days, and reminds me of when I spent an entire summer learning out to play "Angeles."

Plus, the best movie of the year comes out on DVD today. And doing a little reading about that film's director actually helped me solve a problem. I just finished the novel The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, a great mystery novel that always seems to remind me of "Flowers for Algernon." Anyway, now bookless and looking for my next non-law read, I saw that Nolan's next project is an adaptation of a book called The Prestige, about feuding magicians in turn-of-the-century England.

I figure, I had such good luck with a book with basically the same plot, maybe that old legal nugget about stare decisis will work when it comes to novels as well.

I know I do

I've never listened to a podcast, figuring they really couldn't be that entertaining, until I found one by (the source of my much decried musical obsession) Ryan Adams. The segment is a "recording" of a phone conversation between Adams and two producers who are clearly confused at the singer's recent musical efforts. Any fans of Spinal Tap will want to listen to this. (I'm typing at you W___ and S___.)

One segment has Ryan "arguing" with his producers on the merits of a new album (one of "six or seven" he plans to release this year) he calls Helicopter Soup.

PRODUCER
There's no way "Let's Get Metaphysical" is a single.

ADAMS
Why, is it a copyright thing?

PRODUCER
No it just sucks.

Then he goes on to explain how his name may be overexposed, and that a much more suitable moniker would be Mechroboticon. Say what you will about his lack of coolness, the dude is hilarious.

Oh, and my aforementioned car troubles? Apparently, they were afore-invented. At least that's the diagnosis of the technician who took my car for a spin and announced: "there's absolutely nothing I can fault about this car, and the woman you seek has been dead ten years." Ok I made that last part up.

Don't you just love driving across an entire city to be told that you're stupid?

Eeeee!

When Nick Park, the creator of the coolest animated figures of all time, watched his creations burn to the ground in a fiery blaze only days after a catastrophic earthquake, you had to admire his ability to put things in perspective.

But that doesn't exactly give you a license to make further light of it in an article with the cruellest headline. Evar. (This is, of course, from the network that comedian Lewis Black called "the only channel that tells you how to pronounce its name.")

I guess I write about Wallace and Gromit because I'm really dyin' to see their new film. There's something so quintessentially British about the pair of them. You've gotta love a guy whose solution to every problem is: "why don't we have a hot coop o' tea?"

Oh yeah, it's Tuesday, did you buy your copy of the most important purchase you will make all year? I hope so.

Has it got you?

Watching Arcade Fire isn't so much enjoying a concert as it is watching performance art being created. Among the pluses: a stage setup including several household lamps, the utter destruction of a terrible acoustic guitar, and a band who ends their set by marching into the crowd and continuing to play to a stunned audience. Just awesome.

I wasn't so impressed with the opening band, where Wolf Parade tried to answer that eternal question, how can one suck and blow at the same time?

Holiday weekend post, so I'll end it early with another entry in this blog's famous collection of completely bizarre NFL commentary quotes:

"As Gloria Estefan said, 'the rhythm is going to get you,' and this quarterback has found his rhythm."



Anyone see that Vancouver/Edmonton NHL game where they were showing the famous hockey episode of the Simpsons on the screens? That's gotta be my favorite episode.

Happy Thanksgiving folks.

Look ma, no links!

Saw the Scottish Olympic gymnastic team last night. They play good music.



Franz Ferdinand's stage set up was pretty classy, and made for a lot of high jumps, scissor kicks and the most reckless disregard for a drum kit I've seen since Spinal Tap.

I love seeing shows at the Orpheum. They understand the likelihood that audiences may doze off during more erudite fare, so they even took care to offer something nice for the heads rolled back.



Thankfully, Franz is a potent cure for narcolepsy, as well as that sickness where you hear everything perfectly. Yeah I'm deaf. But hearing "What You Meant" live is worth it.

Arcade Fire, the bar has been set. Your move.

Oh, and for those on Burrard and 11th the other day, your eyes did not deceive you, that was the worst parallel parking job in the history of mankind.

Couch jumping is also inadmissible

Well, it only took ten months of law school, but a lecture finally incorporated an intellectual discussion of My Cousin Vinny.

Apparently when Marisa Tomei testified about her family's experience working with cars in garages, the account should have been stricken from the record, as an expert witness' underlying facts still have to be proven in court. So it's hearsay, much in the same way the famous rumour surrounding her is.

Can't wait till we get to the lecture on badgering a witness.

A pox on tax!

Some faithful readers reader pointed out the frequency of posting on Lawyerlike has been waning of late, but some faithful reader also didn't have a tax assignment to write.

It's a difficult assignment, mostly because you have to resist the twin urges of writing a complelely patronizing letter to someone who doesn't know that law and reining in your natural inclination to use a broad lexicon of arcane legal terminology.

I guess the reward for finishing it is that I can fully enjoy the Franz Ferdinand show tomorrow night. Word is, the Scots will be at the Robson St. HMV before the show signing CDs and fending off law students who insist on getting close for a photo. I pulled off this feat with Joel Plaskett, and I'm interested again in part because Alex Kapranos actually looks like Joel. For proof watch this video. Also watch for proof that the bassist is criminally insane.

I'm also looking for interested parties to see the My Morning Jacket show in November. If you want an indication of what they'll be like, check out the music trailer for Cameron Crowe's Elizabethtown, where they perform a disastrous version of "Freebird." (Also, make sure you stop the trailer right after that part, as I got the impression Cameron was about to spoil the ending of the film.) Or just listen to their new album, which is garnering support for my theory (scroll down the link) that they're just Radiohead with beards.

The trailer spoiler issue actually reminds me of Steve Martin's quote from the Oscars years back, which also makes me wonder why he hasn't hosted again:

"I saw the trailer for Dude, Where's My Car? and it totally ruined the ending for me. But, in fairness, I had read the book first."

Ah, can't resist. One more pointless music link: listen to Van Morrison's classic 1967 album, Van Morrison's Bang Records Contractual Obligation Session - it's hilariously, horribly real [via faithful reader].