Monday, April 18, 2005

Werewolves are partial to poetry readings

Tonight's episode of the Jack Bauer Power Hour was noticeably missing a disclaimer. No, not the same one presented by Kiefer Sutherland that acknowledged the grossly stereotypical view of Muslims on the show. Rather, tonight's episode would have benefited from a similarly Kieferized statement that lawyers, in real life, are not as evil as portrayed in the show. (Stay with me here).

Faced with thousands already dead by meltdown, the President shot out of the sky, and a nuclear warhead stolen off a truck (apparently convoys carrying weapons of mass destruction are guarded with the same strength as an ice cream truck, and just as identifiable) a lawyer from out of nowhere stands up for the rights of a obvious terrorist. Sure, he may have secrets to save the country, but wipe your feet before you trample the Constitution!

Now, I'm as big a fan of the Constitution as anyone, (I own all its records, including the early basement tapes before John A. left the band) but I would think that there's an argument in such an extreme case (and only such a case, ahem Patriot Act) to let the government question a suspect to their heart's (and fist's) desire, and deal with any lawsuit later. Compare the outcomes: punitive damages for an individual or a post apocalyptic world where, conceivably, Kevin Costner is delivering your mail. Shudder.

Sub question: how does a lawyer working for such an obviously pro bono organization drive a Jaguar?

Anyway, I'm half joking, because the show is sort of a joke itself. In a country that in real life conducted a mass dragnet and arrested 10,000 fugitives, on TV they cannot catch one. This only heightens my suspicion that Marwan, the terrorist with the wacky ringtone, is indeed, Dracula. Every single time he manages to elude the police - and do I detect the faint sound of bats? Further evidence from tonight's episode: he was spotted at a night club. I've seen both Blade (crap) and Blade II (woot!), and I know that vampires love their raves.

Even scarier about that dragnet was that it only represented 1% of American fugitives. Yup, that's right, there are 1 million scofflaws in the U.S. I suppose the upside is that on any given manhunt, you have as good a chance of picking up any number of criminals. Two jailbirds, one stone, as they say.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

While Marwan may indeed be a vampire, I'm pretty sure that he's just a very smart guy. He and Jack are the only competent people involved in this season. The difference is, everytime someone on Marwan's side is incompetent, he kills them, preventing further mistakes. Jack however, is somewhat restricted by the law/value for coworkers' lives. I say somewhat, fully aware of last night's episode.
"If you think the law will stop him, you don't know Jack!!" - best promo ever