Thank you, I'm here all night

I'm gone for a much-needed vacation up the coast this weekend, returning just in time to register/curse the university's server on Tuesday morning. After doing some more thinking, I've finalized the list of courses I want for next year, listed below along with the nicknames I'll inevitably know them as. This practice isn't new, first years take "Crim," "Legal I," and it allows me to justify such bad jokes like, "What's a zombie's favourite law course?" (Answer below.)

• Securities Regulation - "Sek-Reg," which sounds like it should be a TV show starring David Caruso. And I still wouldn't watch it.
• Conflict of Laws - "Conflix," just as no client likes to be billed unnecessarily, I substitute the 'x' for 'cts' because it's efficient, and because it looks sharp.
• Civil Procedure - "Civ Pro." Unfortunately, this course was previously titled Civil Litigation, meaning now I can't add to the list of Lit courses I've taken over the years: Brit Lit, Vic Lit, Romantic Lit etc.
  
• Media & Entertainment Law - "Hollywood." A new addition to my list, where you learn about such things as entertainment contacts, marketing and drafting celebrities' prenuptial agreements.
• And the rest: European Union Law - "Euro," Real Estate Transactions - "Re/Max," International Business Transactions - "IHOP" (because IBT is no fun), Advanced Legal Research - "Library fun," Administrative Law - "Admin fun."
  

Ah yes, that hilarious joke:

A: "Corps!"

Present perfect subjunctive? Check

With only a few weeks until course registration, I'm trying to create a shortlist of classes for my final year. The schedule will ultimately depend on class times and exam conflicts, but in the meantime I'd appreciate any recommendations from fellow law types, and a heads up if you've chosen the same one. Without further ado:

European Union Law
When I studied Literature in undergrad, European lit was always my favorite. Let's hope European jurists have a similar knack for producing classics. (Fun fact: before the accession of 13 more member states to the EU in 2005, the list of member countries could be remembered by the acronym "Baffling Pigs." I learned that on an educational field trip to the Bank of London a few years ago, my singular memory of the event.)

Securities Regulation
This is another class I'm really excited about, as it seems to be replacing IP as the "hip" legal area. (Mildly amusing fact: the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, aimed at responsible accounting, is often referred to by the acronym SOX, which isn't terribly interesting until I tell you that I once worked at a company that gave socks as a thank-you to the team who successfully implemented SOX regulations.)

International Business Transactions
I like the sound of this one, because it combines three independently interesting legal words and makes an even better phrase. Sort of like Caramel Light Frappucino.

Administrative Law & Municipal Law
These two I'm deciding between. I've been told by some that Admin law is boring, painful, but ultimately useful, while others say Municipal is the way to go. After two years of law school, four years of undergrad and one ill-fated year of tennis lessons, I've learned that you won't like every class you take. Need some input here, folks.

Professional Responsibility
Lawyer-client relations can hide be a veritable minefield of unethical and improper situations, making this course a veritable mine detector. (Useless fact: if you ever played any of the Metal Gear Solid iterations on the Playstation, you of course know that mines are easily traversed by simply crawling over them.)


Advanced Legal Research
I'm a fan of hands-on research and actually opening up the tattered court reports from days of yore. In some museums, you'd pay a decent sum to see such books behind glass. Incidentally, I've just learned that the Vancouver Art Gallery is by-donation on Tuesday nights. Anyone feel like being a culture vulture?

Conflict of Laws
Another course I've heard great things about. If you've ever wondered why your deluxe two-disc Shaun of the Dead Region 2 DVD doesn't work on your player in North America, then you have the same sort of questions that will be answered in this class, which looks at laws across jurisdictions. Whether or not there is a black-market mechanism that can adjudicate both Civil and Common law systems simultaneously, remains to be seen.

Advanced Spanish II
While this class choice may seem a bit out of izquierdo field, I assure you it's been a long time coming. I left my undergraduate university one Spanish course short of a bonus certificate that qualifies me to work anywhere in the world. Having maxed out on law credits during my first two years, I have room to spare in the third. So, once I finally master the pluperfect subjunctive tense, baffled pigs everywhere had better look out.

Indiana Jones v. the Temple of Negligent Design

I solved my book problem. While wading through Amazon, I came across The Poe Shadow, a meta-historical fiction tale about Edgar Allan (obviously) and... his lawyer (bonus points). I remembered how much I enjoyed The Historian from last summer, a solid B-book and thought, Poe is just as creepy as Vlad the Impaler. Plus, an adventure story involving a lawyer? I'm for anything that might do for law what Indiana Jones did for archaeology.

Though so far, there's nary sign of a whip or fedora. Seem's like the lawyer at the heart of this story prefers ethics as his weapon of choice. To wit:

"Do you not ever feel you are becoming hackneyed by the lawyer's routine? Forget the fees. Wouldn't you wish to protect something you knew to be great that everyone else sought to desecrate? Wouldn't you wish to be part of changing something, even if it meant changing yourself?"

Admirable indeed, but could John Williams write a score around it?

I also found out that Michael Chabon, author of one of my favourite/most-recommended books, (and soon-to-be movie starring Natalie Portman) has a new one out soon. When the Yiddish Policeman's Union finally comes out in January, it'll be a welcome break from either European Union law or Municipal law reading (but more on third year class choices in a future post).

By the way, I hope everyone's watching Hell's Kitchen, now in it's third week. I just noticed the text promos that CityTV is running for it during other shows, succintly describing it as: "Gordon Ramsay makes chefs cry."

Please report any baroque links

Finishing a year of law school is like beginning a new year - you make resolutions. I'm going to start studying earlier, I'm going to make my own CAN, I'm going to see what this whole "library" business is about, etc. My summer resolution was a dose of exercise, the kind apart from the walk between the bus stop and the concrete gates of the law building.

I joined one of those running groups at the start of the summer. If you've ever walked along a beach in Vancouver and seen herds of sweaty, spandexed runners, that's it. As part of the training for these clinics, you race hills. I recently took a few weeks off as a result of a minor setback - some common blinding pain. So I'm not exactly sure what made me think that climbing a mountain was the sort of thing to get me back in the routine.



Vancouverites know this as the Grouse Grind, a "summery jaunt" people have been known to do in under 50 minutes. To me and my poor hamstrings, it's still a mountain, and one that was never exactly begging to be climbed. ____ minutes later (actual time deleted for sake of pride) I was at the top, arriving after those who passed me along the way: elderly, all manner of children and even a man carrying a baby. He declined my request to hitch a ride.

By the way, regular readers will notice this site has gone through a bit of a visual upgrade, courtesy of my brother. And to readers well-versed in late, 17th century French Baroque architecture, yes, that is the edifice of the Palace of Versailles in the title image. I do try and reward a keen eye.



Merci a mon amie AM pour le photo.

Grisham probably wrote one

I'm often asked by people outside of law school - "the Others," as we in law school affectionately call them - what's the hardest part about it? My answer's always the same, it's the reading. Not in the sense of subject matter. In fact, a lot of cases play out like little stories with memorable characters, and there's no shortage of conflict. (What are appeals but lacklustre sequels, anyway?) Rather, the difficulty is in the sheer volume.

This makes the answer to the second question I'm usually asked - what advice would I give to those starting law school - just a tad antithetical. My advice is to read more. I consider it crucial to keep a non-law book - you know, fiction - on the go during school. Law school is incredibly insular in the sense that you're exposed to the legal world, and suddenly anything outside of that becomes as heretical as a round earth in pre-Columbus days. Namely, it's easy to forget that the real world is still outside those concrete walls.

This long set up is really just an excuse for me to bring up some of my summer reading - I just finished JPod by Douglas Coupland. While it may be a stretch to say that book portrays "real life," it is a kick for any Vancouverite who'll recognize the local neighbourhoods the characters populate. It is funny on legal level too, perhaps, when you see how Coupland confronts the intellectual property rights of the subjects he wants criticize. It's irreverent books like this one that remind law students, hey, maybe Latin phrases don't contain all possible manner of saying things.

But now that that book's done with, I'm in search of some more. Anyone have suggestions? I just finished a comical French vacation book (Merde Actually), a grisly Western (Blood Meridian) and a novel about lazy video game developers (supra - see, it can't be helped.) They were all pretty good - there must be at least one novel that combines those genres...

Hang 'em beyond a reasonable doubt

Good things about this week:

The Proposition is one of the best movies I've seen in a while. I'm a little biased towards Westerns, I suppose, being from Alberta. (Or for a reason that would merit mention on a law blog, maybe it's that the lawlessness of the West is in direct contrast to the sheer amount of law I study at school - nah, I just like the horse- and gunplay.) Featuring Guy Pearce at his absolute ugliest, the movie seems to combine the poetry and violence of two great literary works - True History of the Kelly Gang and The Collected Works of Billy the Kid - and puts them on screen. I'm sure it adds in violence from other various sources too, because it's really, really violent. Just a heads up.



World Cup action. Being Canadian, it's obviously hard to get excited about soccer, but every four years it fits the bill. As for the low scoring, I wouldn't mind it so much if I could make up for it in a lopsided PS2 simulation, as I did with hockey, but it's still impossible. Oh yeah, and trying to get all of your players red carded and have the goalie your only player left? That doesn't work either.

On Monday, the best guilty pleasure of the summer comes back to TV in the form of Hell's Kitchen. Gordon Ramsay, premier British chef, Satan incarnate and sometimes Kiefer Sutherland lookalike hosts his own cooking reality show - except in reality, the settlements from a verbal abuse civil suit would far exceed the show's top prize. In a perfect world, his catchphrase "button it!" would be a national craze.

Lawyers use $90 words

I've been working on the cover letters I'll be sending out to law firms in the next few weeks, letters that will hopefully bring me one step closer to landing articles - the pearly gates of lawyerdom.

As law students, we receive countless pointers on how to craft a winning application package, as if being hired at a law firm depended on a precise combination of salutations and five dollar words.

The sample cover letter begins with "I am pleased with the opportunity to apply to your firm." Thing is, I'm not "pleased" with the word pleased, as it were. These sample letters are the equivalent of Coles Notes - helpful, but don't be caught using them. Plus, I'd like to believe a dose of creativity speaks volumes about an applicant. I origianlly opted for the word "thrilled," but so far the peer editing gang hasn't been keen on it.

So I'm looking for just the right adjective. I'd like some input from you, the reader, and knowing that "thrilled" might be too earnest, help me find a better one, using the below phrases as an upper boundary.

I'm:

"at a positive loss for words, forgiving the following four paragraphs..."
"feelign something I've never felt before... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've never quite met a firm like you..."
"jumping for joy, but in a decidedly professional manner..."
"beside myself, but not in any psychologically unstable way that would deny me a chance with your firm..."
"certainly not complacent, no sir!"

This fall, Law & Order: Shanghai

You can attribute a dearth of recent posts to a number of things (apart from the obvious fact of being out of law school for a summer and having few legal things to discuss):

My hermano was in town last weekend, which meant I got to play tourist and visit places around town. The Capilano Suspension bridge was something I always wanted to go see, and if you pay attention to the last words (not the first, sung words) in this video, I thought it may have been the last thing I'd see.



My running has continued, and I'm proud to say I've upgraded my summer goal from "don't die" to "heck, maybe you can do this." I still, however, remain a terrible judge of distances. You'd be surprised how far you have to zoom out on Google Maps to map a 5km route in deceptively small Vancouver. Is that Paraguay I see on screen?

Of course, there was an awful lot of television to keep track of as well. 24 ended up (season 6 in Shanghai perhaps?) as well as American Idol (season 6 in Shanghai please?) But what's this with NBC cancelling Conviction? Sure, I critiqued the show's incongruous mix of courts and coitus, but I still liked it. That hurt worse than bad news from Ryan Seacrest.

Then there's work, but I won't dwell on that for those whose 12+ hour work days at firms may seem a bit more daunting than wireless tax research from home.

A straight consonant student

And now back to regularly scheduled programming.

Back in January, I likened the return of my grades to various moments in 24. The show was a handy reference point, because its tense and often painful situations mimicked quite nicely how several of my exams turned out. Now that spring marks have been released, it's only apt to describe my reaction to them using good ol' Kiefer again.

A disappointing Evidence mark aside, the rest of my exams went as well as I could have hoped. When you get to law school, you're basically told that E isn't the only vowel you won't get as a grade. So it was shocking to see that I rounded up several A's in one term. To to draw a comparison, if exams were a Christmas tree, and doing well was represented by a drunken Kiefer Sutherland tackling said Christmas tree, well, then I feel like this. (Video is TAFW, meaning "totally awesome for work.")

Blawg Review #57

I have a confession to make: I'm not sure if my blog counts as a "lawblog." Sure, I'm a third year law student who occasionally waxes legal about classes and cases, but the most erudite posts you're likely to find here concern the constitutionality of 24, James Bond-loving supreme court judges or some dirty constitutional poetry. Blawg Review has had some pretty impressive hosts: Blawg Review #28 was hosted by a defence lawyer, Blawg Review #41 a corporate in-house counsel and Blawg Review #55 was hosted by a lawyer, teacher, author and consultant.

And now you get the blogger who confessed to buying Hootie & the Blowfish as his first album. (A confession that, should you try to introduce as evidence, I will fight dearly to label hearsay.) Surely there must be more professional candidates to host Blawg Review. Sometimes I feel this place is only acting like a lawblog.

But then, when I was watching TV (as I am wont to do) I thought, don't we often learn as much about the law from the fake lawyers as much as the real ones? People who haven't been through law school might not have a handy definition of hearsay, but I'll bet they know from any number of TV shows when to yell it in a courtoom - and they know the magic word is "sustained."

So while I present to you this week's Blawg Review submissions from around the blawgosphere, I'll highlight some of the best, worst, new and old fake lawyers from TV, organizing submissions as best I can around the personality of each lawyer. Without further ado: Blawg Review #57.

Black-Letter Jack

Lawyers looking for the kindest representation of their profession need look no further than Law & Order's Jack McCoy. The real revolving door of justice is in that show's casting department, as over its 16 year history we've met Stone, Robinette, Kincaid, Carmichael, Ross, Cabot and Southerlyn. Yet none pursue black-letter law as well as McCoy. His comical resemblance to muppet Sam the Eagle belies a stern and unforgiving desire for justice. Dude even once declared gay marriage unconstitutional for the sole reason of destroying husband-husband confidentiality, thus having a murder confession ruled admissible. Talk about lateral thinking.



In honour of Black-letter Jack, some of the more serious submissions:

• Ron Coleman discusses copyright issues with scans of public domain works. Maybe we should have tightened up intellectual property law before inventing the internet.
• The Grey Area Left of Center joins the fray over NSA wiretaps, hears clicking when he picks up the phone.
• Daniel J. Solove at Concurring Opinions writes about the Bar Exam, but will it help me pass?
• Jon Swift adds an item to the ever growing list of things Iraq needs.
• Some say lawyers are nuts, but f/k/a argues they shouldn't be priced the same.
  

Works on contingency? No, money down!

Another TV show that's been on for almost two decades might just have my generation's most popular lawyer, not that you'd ever want to hire him. I speak, of course, about Lionel Hutz. From his whipsmart knowledge of courtroom procedure to his unbeatable legal deals ("in addition to a lawyer, you'll also get this faux-pearl necklace, our gift to you!") - Hutz has everything you'd never want in a lawyer. If it weren't for Phil Hartman's death, he'd probably still be appealing his fraudulent advertising case against The Neverending Story, but he's still solidified his place as our favourite law-talking guy.

Accordingly, here are some light-hearted Blawg Review submissions:

• The folks at QuizLaw are back up and running after a brief hiccup, you know, the kind started by U.S. Homeland Security? Those hiccups never go away.
• Not a fan of the Patriot Act? Wordlab suggests that maybe you'll prefer Pepsi Presents the Patriot Act!
• David Canton at eLegal Canton speaks of the devil, says some people don't like the Patriot Act.
  
• More Wordlab: Walmart asks if it can trademark the smiley face. Consumers ask if you can trademark the middle finger.
• Evan Schaeffer at the Legal Underground writes about Roy Black's return to prominence after a stint on the NBC reality flop, "the Law Firm." (Confession #3: I loved that show!)
  

Professional Irresponsibility

Lionel Hutz may be bad, but he has his charm. If you're looking for the flat-out, worst lawyer who destroys all your faith in a law degree, Barry Zuckerkorn from Arrested Development is your man. Bloggers would be pleased to know he once hosted his own website, www.barrygood.biz. (Of course, his successor, Bob Loblaw, maintained the Bob Loblaw Lawblog.) Barry's been known to tell his clients that a husband and wife can't be prosecuted for the same crime, and taking plea deals because they are literally quite heavy.



On that note of professional irresponsibility:

• Steve Bainbridge writes about a peculiar indictment, involving insider trading within insider investigations in Grand Jury Leak = Insider Trading?
• George Wallace has two posts about extortion and blackmail with the California Auto Industry, and what also sounds like a good screenplay for a George Clooney/Russell Crowe political intrigue film.
• I've said it before, zombies are cool. But, if you're the creator of an army of them and just plead guilty to unleashing them upon a computing public, well that's not so cool.
• Law Professor Paul Secunda blogs about Cyberslacking, but was he at work when he wrote it?

Single Female Lawyer

Ally McBeal's importance to fake lawyerdom shouldn't be understated. With female attorneys usually relegated to whatever haircolour Jack McCoy liked that season, Ally McBeal was smart, funny, maaaaaaybe a little too thin, but ultimately a leader. In her own way, McBeal was cutting edge. If her show spawned the advent of bad viral videos and terrible soundtracks, well she shan't be blamed for that.

Accordingly, here are some posts about cutting edge law:

• Strugging with the Law offers advice on when associates should take the plunge and go solo.
  
• Adam Smith Esq. writes about first year associates now eligible for partnership.
• Health Care Law Blog talks about the legal uses of Google Trends, thereby reducing the cry about the legality of Google Earth.

Maaatlooooock!

You can't write a post about famous TV lawyers without mentioning the grandaddy of them all. Matlock may have a high criminal defence fee of over $100,000, but he gets results dammit! A veritable Columbo and McGuyver of the courtroom, Ben Matlock is just as popular with the old crowd as he is with the judges. There aren't many shows nowadays where a criminal defence lawyer is the protagonist, but I wouldn't rule out a sitcom about Saddam's attorneys. Imagine the zaniness!

In honour of Matlock's almost ancient, sage-like wisdom, some more historical posts:

• Speaking of days of yore, Charles Rubin of Rubin on Tax says that the U.S. is no longer a tax haven.
  
• Sir William Blackstone gets quoted about "naked possession," and surprisingly, doesn't mention nudity or drugs.
  

Lady Justice is his Lois Lane

Finally, there's the new attorney in town, Jim Steele of NBC's Conviction. Sure, the show is filled with noteworthy attorneys, like Billy Desmond who constantly boasts about his lossless courtroom record, and Brian Peluso who, sporting an ugly leather jacket, goatee and Red Bull addiction, proves that not all lawyers are the catches they seem. But Steele is unique amongst L&O ADA's in that his M.O. is S-E-X! Simultaneously bedding his second chair and his boss, Steele is as vainglorious as his name.



In honour of Steele's libidinous personality, some of the more salacious submissions:

• George's Employment Blawg follows up on that employee-spanking case. Somehow that seemed to fit in this section.
• Craig Williams at May It Please The Court writes about legal issues with Anti-Dating sites, and how they make great fodder for TV shows. Hmm, usually Law & Order covers these first.

There are obviously too many TV lawyers to mention. (f/k/a even chimes in on CourtTV's 15 most popular Movie Lawyers.) But some honourable mentions for TV include Harvey Birdman, Jackie Chiles, Sandy Cohen (The O.C.'s heavily eyebrow-ed attorney), Boston Legal's Deny Crane, The Practice's Eugene Young and CNN's Nancy Grace. I know, I know - but some part of that hilarious Southern persona must be fictional!



So finally, some odds and ends:

• University of Illinois' College of Law has its own TV show? Man we are missing out.
• Check out the Legal Underground's Weekly Law School Roundup.
• Jim Calloway helps synthesize 60 sites every lawyer should visit.
  

And remember, it's always OK to say TV made you want to become a lawyer.

Hopefully everyone enjoyed the issue. I appreciate any comments you post, and if you want to add your favourite lawyer from the silver screen, let us hear it!

Blawg Review has information about next week's host, and instructions how to get your blawg posts reviewed in upcoming issues.