See Spot evade the law

Say what you will about the artistic decline - or persistent nadir - of Oasis, the, ahem, "biggest band in the world," but the Gallagher brothers consistently make for some of the best music press. (C'mon, Liam has a point. Bono can be a humanitarian, but he can also be a nerd.) Someone get these boys a reality show. Possible titles? Wank You Very Much, or Liam n' Noel: Chaotic.

One of Noel's favorite bands, (if that counts for anything these days... no? Well, one of my fave bands... still no? Tough crowd.) Black Rebel Motorcycle Club doesn't release Howl until August 23, an interminable and highly rock-deficient wait. My Morning Jacket is also putting out their new disc a few weeks after that. (Lead singer Jim James was the one providing the incredible harmonies on Bright Eyes' "At the Bottom of Everything.")

In the meantime I suppose I will have to fill the iPod with some H.Po and the Half-Blood Prince on tape. (Or apparently not.) I sincerely hope author J.K. Rowling doesn't jerk the audience around with another phony "death" like the last novel. Hey, if a character simply falls through a "door of darkness" or some equally contrived nonsense, I won't exactly be surprised when they return in the final book. If there's one thing I've learned from Criminal Law class, the actus reus of any murder demands a body. Naturally, any children's book worth it's weight should be able to withstand legal scrutiny.

If there's another thing I've learned from law school (but this is it, just the two), it's that when a volleyed telephone hits someone, it's battery, not assault. Fight the system Russell!